Every February, the world collectively decides that love looks like heart-covered mugs, overpriced roses and chocolate that somehow tastes better purely because it’s shaped like a heart. It’s everywhere. Shop windows, social feeds, well-meaning adverts reminding us that this is what love should look like. And yet, for something we celebrate so loudly once a year, we still seem surprisingly unsure how to actually find it.
Maybe that’s because true love isn’t something you can buy between aisle three and the till. It doesn’t come with a receipt or a limited-edition slogan. It’s quieter than that. More layered. Less performative. And, slightly inconveniently, it often starts long before another person enters the picture.
For years, we’ve been sold the idea that love arrives from the outside. That it’s something you meet, fall into or trip over when you least expect it, preferably while looking effortlessly put together. But the older I get, the more I realise that real love isn’t found. It’s built. Slowly. Imperfectly. And the foundation is always the same: how you treat yourself when no one else is around to applaud it.
Redefining What Love Actually Is
True love isn’t limited to romance, even though that’s the version that gets the most airtime. It shows up in friendships that feel like home. In family bonds that survive awkward holidays and unsolicited advice. In the quiet confidence of knowing who you are and being mostly okay with that.
When we reduce love to one relationship status, we miss how much of it already exists in our lives. We also place an unreasonable amount of pressure on one person to be everything, which is a lot to ask before they’ve even had their first coffee.
Love, in its healthiest form, is about connection, safety, respect and growth. Sometimes that connection is romantic. Sometimes it’s not. Both count.
Don’t Wait for a Crisis to Like Yourself
You don’t need to stumble into menopause, trip over a mid-life crisis or step on some unexpected emotional landmine to finally accept and like who you are. There doesn’t have to be a dramatic before-and-after moment where everything suddenly makes sense.
Yes, growth matters. We should all be learning, evolving and becoming better versions of ourselves. But growth doesn’t cancel out acceptance. You can work on yourself while still appreciating who you are at your core. Both can exist at the same time.
Loving yourself isn’t about declaring yourself flawless or pretending you’ve got it all figured out. It’s about being honest, kind and realistic with yourself. It’s about accepting the bumpy nose, the NikNaks toes, the quirks and the contradictions that make you you, without turning every imperfection into a personal project.
You’re allowed to like yourself now, not just someday. No crisis required.
Take Yourself on a Date
Whether you’re in a relationship, single, or happily undecided, making time for yourself matters more than we often admit. Taking yourself on a date isn’t about filling time or pretending you’re mysterious. It’s about staying connected to who you are outside of roles, responsibilities and other people’s expectations.
It can be a quiet coffee, a solo walk, an afternoon spent doing something purely because you enjoy it. These moments remind you that your own company isn’t something to tolerate. It’s something to value.
And no, this doesn’t disappear once you’re partnered. If anything, it becomes more important. Losing yourself in a relationship isn’t romantic. It’s just confusing.
Love Exists in More Than One Shape
Romantic love may be celebrated loudly, but it’s usually the ‘quieter’ forms that carry us through life. The friend who shows up without needing a formal invitation. The family member who knows when to listen and when to distract you with snacks. The relationships that don’t demand constant explanation or emotional gymnastics.
Noticing these forms of love changes how you see your life. You stop waiting for something to begin and start appreciating what’s already there. That shift alone can feel surprisingly comforting.
Fewer But Better Relationships
Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some are seasonal. Some teach us important lessons. Some drain us while we convince ourselves that loyalty means endurance.
True love, in any form, requires honesty. Sometimes that honesty means stepping back from relationships that no longer feel healthy or aligned. Other times, it means investing more deeply in the ones that feed you emotionally, mentally and occasionally with actual food.
Less, but better. Fewer conversations that leave you second-guessing yourself. More that leave you feeling lighter than when you arrived.
Wanting Love, Not Needing It
For those who want a romantic relationship but don’t currently have one, this distinction matters more than we realise. Wanting a partner comes from desire and openness. Needing one comes from lack.
Expecting someone else to complete you, fix you or fill every gap is a heavy job description, and not one most people applied for. It also sets the relationship up for imbalance from the start.
Loving yourself fully doesn’t mean you stop wanting companionship. It means you approach it from a place of wholeness. You don’t need someone to save you. You want someone to walk alongside you.
Knowing the difference changes everything.
A New Perspective on Love
So by all means, drink out of the heart-covered mug and eat the chocolates. Enjoy the rituals, the small joys and the slightly ridiculous side of it all. But remember that true love isn’t reserved for one day in February or a relationship status.
It’s found in how you speak to yourself, the boundaries you set (and keep), the relationships you choose and the life you build. It’s something you practise daily and intentionally.
And when love does show up, in all its forms, romantic or otherwise, you’ll be ready to meet it from a place that already feels full and safe.
Enjoyed this article? Then you may want to give How I Make Weekends Feel Like Tiny Holidays and Things I Only Learnt in My 30s (and Now Swear By) a go.
Important Notes:
*MYRKL is a supplement designed to support well-being while consuming alcohol and promote responsible alcohol consumption. It efficiently breaks down the absorption of alcohol, giving you the opportunity to enjoy your social experiences regret-free. Do not take more than the recommended dose of 2 capsules in 24 hours.
Based on a randomised placebo-controlled double-blind crossover study, conducted with 24 healthy subjects. Subjects were randomised to take 2 capsules/day of AB001 or placebo for 1 week prior to experimental day, where they ingested a light breakfast and drank a moderate glass of spirit (0.3 g/kg body weight).
- Pfützner A, Hanna M, Andor Y, Sachsenheimer D, Demircik F, Wittig T and de Faire J. Chronic Uptake of A Probiotic Nutritional Supplement (AB001) Inhibits Absorption of Ethylalcohol in the Intestine Tract – Results from a Randomized Double-blind Crossover Study. Nutr. Metab. Insights. 2022;15:1-5.
MYRKL (capsules), Unscheduled. D 34.12: Complementary Medicine (Health Supplement). Contains Fermented Rice Bran (Oryza sativa), L-Cysteine, Dextrin and Vitamin B12. (fermented by Bacillus subtilis & Bacillus coagulans). This medicine is subject to regulatory control by SAHPRA.
Developed and formulated by: De Faire Medical AB, Västra Trädgårdsgatan 11A, 111 53 Stockholm, Sweden.
Applicant: Imperial Market Access Healthcare SA (Pty) Ltd, 57 Sarel Baard Crescent, Gateway Industrial Park, Rooihuiskraal, 0157.
General contact information: Tel: 012 621 4300, info.mahsa.sm@dpworld.com. For any quality or safety related queries, please contact Imperial Quality at quality.healthcare.sm@dpworld.com or Imperial Medical at pvimperiallogistics@dpworld.com.
