“No is a complete sentence.” — Anne Lamott
It’s just two letters – an ‘N’ and an ‘O’ – NO. A simple word.
Then why is sometimes so difficult to say? Often the simplest thing can be the most difficult.
We’ve all been there. You really, really, REALLY don’t want to do something, go somewhere or take on another responsibility, but you find yourself totally incapable of putting together two letters, pouting your lips and letting them out of your mouth!
WHY? There are many reasons, sadly. Let’s have a look at some of the most common ones.
GUILT
For many of us, saying no is filled with guilt. Do you feel you have to say yes to someone, because you owe them something? Perhaps because they are your parents, who have sacrificed a lot for you. Or you can’t say no to your significant other, because you love them. Maybe you find it impossible to say no to your boss, because you enjoy your job. Even the thought of saying no makes you come out in a cold, guilty sweat!
POLITENESS
As children, we are taught to be polite to adults. Saying no when asked to do something as a kid could put you on the receiving end of a grown-up’s anger and disappointment. Answering back or backchat was risky business! No wonder many adults still find it difficult to speak up for themselves. Being raised to believe that saying no is bad makes it difficult to communicate what we want.
IMPOSTER SYNDROME
Imposter syndrome is defined as “the persistent inability to believe that one’s success
is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.” This feeling makes you doubt yourself and your abilities. You believe that you are not good enough, so you avoid saying no altogether. Although this may be a common reason in the workplace, you may also battle with saying no to a friend or partner, because you are always trying to prove your worth.
KEEPING THE PEACE
Many people don’t “do windows or confrontation”. Conflict isn’t pleasant, so we are afraid of causing any. We are social creatures, we crave a human connection, belonging and acceptance. Is it possible that our need to be liked can do us more harm than good? Often, the peace we are so desperately trying to keep, is an illusion – no more than sweeping our feelings under the rug.
You can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no! Learning when and how to use your ‘no’ doesn’t mean you will suddenly turn into an unpleasant obstacle in everybody else’s way. What you will figure out, is how not to be constantly overwhelmed and how to value yourself and your feelings. Saying ‘no’ can be an act of pure bravery for those of us who are always putting others first.
So, when is it okay to say no?
- If you feel uncomfortable
- If you feel guilty or obligated
- When you’re overloaded
- If the request crosses your personal boundaries
- If you are only saying yes to please someone else
“You have a right to say no. Most of us have very weak and flaccid no muscles. We feel guilty for saying no. We get ostracized and challenged for saying no, so we forget it’s our choice. Your no muscle has to be built up to get to a place where you can say, I don’t care if that’s what you want. I don’t want that. No.”
Iyanla Vanzant
It takes practice to deliver a firm and final ‘no’ with confidence. Here are some useful on how to do get those muscles exercised:
Practice makes perfect
The more you say it, the easier it will get.
Be clear
The clearer you are when saying no, the better. Long-winded explanations might look like a lie or a ‘yes’ in disguise. Go for the short, simple, and straightforward approach.
Take your time
If you need time to make up your mind, say so! Then consider the request carefully before making your decision.
Be assertive and respectful
Not everyone is trying to take advantage of you. If you can’t comply, be respectful in how you say no. “That doesn’t work for me” is a good one.
It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible either. It’s just two letters. One simple word: NO.
So, the next time you don’t feel like having another drink, use your ‘no’.
And if you want to say yes, think about taking two capsules of MYRKL* two hours before and be guilt-free the next day!
Important Notes:
*MYRKL is a supplement designed to support well-being while consuming alcohol and promote responsible alcohol consumption. It efficiently breaks down the absorption of alcohol, giving you the opportunity to enjoy your social experiences regret-free. Do not take more than the recommended dose of 2 capsules in 24 hours.
Based on a randomised placebo-controlled double-blind crossover study, conducted with 24 healthy subjects. Subjects were randomised to take 2 capsules/day of AB001 or placebo for 1 week prior to the experimental day, where they ingested a light breakfast and drank a moderate glass of spirit (0.3 g/kg body weight).
- Pfützner A, Hanna M, Andor Y, Sachsenheimer D, Demircik F, Wittig T and de Faire J. Chronic Uptake of A Probiotic Nutritional Supplement (AB001) Inhibits Absorption of Ethylalcohol in the Intestine Tract – Results from a Randomized Double-blind Crossover Study. Nutr. Metab. Insights. 2022;15:1-5.
