Are you planning to get together with relatives this holiday season? Some people feel a warm glow at the thought; others start hyperventilating and looking for the nearest exit!
Family gatherings aren’t the same for everyone… Recurring conflicts, personality clashes and just plain difficult relatives can turn the celebration into a nightmare!
Try these 5 tips to help you cope with festive family feuds and make the holidays more enjoyable.
BE PREPARED
Start off by adjusting your attitude – that is the only thing you can really control! “Worrying about an upcoming gathering can cause anxiety before it even starts”, says Dr Thomas C. Lian.
Rather focus on things that destress and make you feel better like exercising, practicing yoga or listening to music before a family event. The less anxious you are, the better you’ll be able to react calmly to behaviour that bothers you.
Take care of yourself! Many people, especially women, feel guilty about prioritising their own needs. Get enough rest and don’t skip meals. Low blood sugar and exhaustion do not help you regulate your emotions.
Coping Tip: Try watching comedies about dysfunctional families in preparation!
MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
Be realistic! Leopards are unlikely to change their spots, whether you are related to them or not.
That Uncle who does that thing, that sister who always gives you the side-eye and the prejudiced cousin are probably not going to magically stop being who they are this year…
Keep in mind that a situation can have stressful moments, but it can still be enjoyable. Be flexible, and don’t expect everything to be perfect; it’s much less stressful, I promise! Spend more time with the people you like and get on with and avoid the difficult ones in a respectful way and without making things awkward.
Coping Tip: Be in the moment; leave the past and the future where they belong!
SET BOUNDARIES
Keep the upsetting and contentious topics off the table! Politics and religion are the obvious no-nos, but subjects like marriage and children can unexpectedly strike a nerve, especially when they start off with the words “When are you going to…”!
If someone does bring up a sensitive subject, try to politely change the subject. Whatever you do, don’t take the bait! Nobody knows how to push buttons better than family, and there always seems to be someone who thinks it is their job to stir things up.
If a polite, short left doesn’t work, try making the person feel useful by asking for help. One decades-old study found that the word “because” tends to trigger compliance. Try something like: “It would be great if you could pick the playlist because everyone likes your taste in music.” (Don’t lie, though)
Family gatherings are often a mix of people you get on with mixed in with those you don’t. Spending more time with your favourites, will make things easier.
Coping Tip: Tempting, though it may be, emptying the gravy boat into someone’s lap is probably not going to fix much, so don’t!
CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN: YOURSELF.
As mentioned before, the only thing you can control is yourself and your reactions! You can’t stop anyone from being rude or provocative, but no one can force you to engage. If all else fails, excuse yourself and walk away.
If leaving is not an option, breathe… Consciously slow and deepen your breathing significantly and keep calm like a champion.
Having negative thoughts will cause negative feelings and then you will behave in negative ways. Keep your mind off things that you find upsetting and steer clear of thoughts like “She always does that” or “I can’t take this” and try to redirect your mind in a more positive direction.
Coping Tip: Don’t take things personally, maybe it has nothing to do with you.
DON’T DRINK TOO MUCH!
It’s no secret that the catalyst for family friction over the holidays is often related to the over-consumption of alcohol.
People drink for many reasons; from enjoyment and pleasure to habit to coping with anxiety. Once there’s “one too many” in the mix, the potential for misunderstandings and miscommunication increases, especially if there’s already underlying tension or conflict.
If you are going to enjoy some drinks, do so in moderation or go for non-alcoholic beverages. Steer clear of people who have had too much to drink, and don’t let them drive!
Coping Tip: Switch between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks throughout the gathering. You can also consider taking MYRKL*. It slows down the absorption of alcohol, helping you feel refreshed and regret-free the day after.
I hope this helps! Remember, the holiday season is more than one day. There will be events that you are obligated to attend. Balance the more stressful gatherings with meaningful activities that enhance your holiday experience.
Finally, keep your sense of humour! Trying to find humour in situations you have no control over
can be a great coping strategy at family gatherings.
Important Notes:
*MYRKL is a supplement designed to support well-being while consuming alcohol and promote responsible alcohol consumption. It efficiently breaks down 70 % of alcohol in just 60 minutes, giving you the opportunity to enjoy your social experiences regret-free. Do not take more than the recommended dose of 2 capsules in 24 hours.
